Emotional Memory of Grief

Hurricane Season

Greetings from The Pause Place.

When hurricane season comes around, you expect the weather to change. There’s a chance of raging rain, whipping wind, and dangerous damage. 

Grief also comes in seasons. You always have varying weather. Some days are sunny; some are cloudy with light rain. Those huge storms build up. Doesn’t matter how many years go by.

Grief Season hits like a monsoon. 

It’s that emotional muscle memory. When that season arrives, you remember. The season is that time of year when your life went from blissfully unaware to flipped over and hit by the debris of a hurricane. A sudden diagnosis, death, or calamity that pulls you under, rips you apart, and leaves you damaged. 

For me, July 4 is that day. The day Nick was diagnosed with Leukemia. I still remember being in the shower and Luke coming in to tell me that the hospital called. There was something wrong with Nick’s blood. As I stepped out of the shower, my world tilted. The winds whipped and clouds overshadowed our family.

Our Grief Season began that day.

Nick, July 5, 2008

Now, that metaphorical hurricane season begins a month before just as the weather gets warmer. The hurricane hits on July 4 and lasts about 4 months. Short in terms of a cancer diagnosis but it left unforeseen emotional and physical damage. Nick’s death after 4 short months hoping for him to be healed shook our family’s foundation.

When my Grief Season begins, I push, push, push. Chastise myself for not doing more. Be productive and I’ll feel better. Tears burn the back of my eyes because I’m not doing enough. 

I feel the turbulence in my chest. I become indecisive, cranky, emotional as I think even more of Nick. It travels to my stomach, which spins with uncertainty. I feel sad. The pressure builds in my head until the day arrives.

I Hear the crashing of the grief waves.

It took me a long time to Understand and Recognize what was going on. That my body and spirit remember what my mind tries to forget. Then the Relief of remembering why I’m sad, can’t concentrate, and am easily annoyed follows. 

There isn’t something wrong with me. I miss my son. Even though the damage seems repaired; the soul remembers. 

When I sit in stillness and Investigate the current turmoil of emotions, I Connect with Nick in the ways I’ve learned over the years.

I Accept how I feel and do what I Need to nurture myself in that moment. I give myself a lot of grace. I encourage myself to ebb and flow with the storm and, even in the pain, see its beauty–Love for my son. 

Support During Grief Season (HURRICANE)

Hear–The signs that the winds of grief are stirring up. Your journal can support your awareness.

Understand–This time of year may bring a mix of emotions.

Recognize–The signs of your grief.

Relief–Feel a sense of ease in knowing the cause.

Investigate–How you feel and how your grief has shifted.

Connect–With what/who supports you.

Accept–The feelings.

Need–Know what nurtures you.

Encourage–Yourself to do what serves YOU best during this time.

We all have our Hurricane (Grief) Season.

• When is yours?

• How do you prepare for this season?

• What are the signs for you?

May this support you during your roughest storms.

Please share with someone who this may support.