Can You Hear Me Now? Yes, I Can!
From Hearing Loss to Hope
Thank you for joining me in The Pause Place. Holding space for you in grief, feelings of loss, and your journey toward hope.
Grief may not always be connected to the death of a loved one. It can be a loss of something precious to you–a beloved job, a relationship with a friend who no longer aligns, your locks of hair, aging, or not being able to do what you could as a younger adult. It's anything that shifts or questions our perception of who we are. Something important to us that is no longer there.
Now we must change and learn again.
Different types of loss still cause pain and have us questioning our mortality and what matters.
I grieved losing part of my hearing.
It didn’t happen all at once. I noticed I had to ask people to repeat themselves. I’d misunderstand a comment or instruction. My family kept having to repeat what they said. Background noise cluttered my hearing so that I felt left out of the conversation.
I couldn’t hear my students’ questions, comments or their beautiful words as they read what they wrote. Low noises impeded clarity and I found myself reading lips to understand.
Not answering or having people repeat their words felt embarrassing. Answering a question with a totally unrelated answer felt flippant as if I wasn’t fully present. I was extremely present AND aware that I couldn’t hear.
People became annoyed with me.
I lost my confidence.
I have worn glasses since I was three years old. Now, with the addition of hearing loss, I felt like my senses were shutting down.
A hearing test showed significant loss in my right ear only. I went for a CAT scan to check for a tumor and thankfully it was negative. Yet there wasn’t a reason for why I lost significant hearing in one ear.
Was my hearing loss extreme? No.
Did the loss negatively impact my life? Yes.
Would a hearing aid improve my life? I would soon find out.
In March of 2023, I decided to get a hearing aid. A Phonak Audéo L90-R with bluetooth. I can adjust it according to noise–restaurant, concert, television. It’s so simple to listen to music, audiobooks, and answer phone calls.
I was fortunate enough to have insurance that paid for the bulk of the hearing aid and visits.
AARP has savings for members who are 50+.
There are over-the-counter options and other ways to save.
10 Ways to Save on Hearing Aids
The decision of purchasing a hearing aid is a personal one, and this is my own experience, not advice.
It took a long time to feel comfortable using the hearing aid. The dome made the inside of my ear itchy. The audiologist started with a small dome with holes so that I’d get used to having something in my ear. I’d wear it for short periods and eventually lengthened the time. Then I gradually moved to a larger and fuller dome so there was less outside noise. I still have a fairly small dome because of vertigo.
When I first purchased AirPods, I’d get vertigo when they were on noise reduction. Turns out that’s a thing. Too much pressure can cause it so I stick with a smaller dome and don’t have a problem.
Using a hearing aid has improved my quality of life!
When I first started using one, my son joked that he wouldn’t be able to whisper around me anymore!
Yes, I can hear you!
They can even be adjusted if you have trouble hearing certain tones. I had trouble with men’s voices and quieter speech.
I grieved my hearing loss.
Hearing aids gave me Hope!
They connected me to what matters and those I love.
Here are some of my thoughts if you’re still unsure about getting hearing aids.
My hearing isn’t that bad
While you’re waiting for your hearing to get worse, you’re atrophying parts of your brain that affect communication. It’s like waiting to go to the doctor because your foot hurts. Instead of walking properly, you limp so your knee starts to hurt, then your hip. Soon it’s all the way up your back and you wonder why you’re weaker on one side. Instead of getting the help you need, your whole body is affected.
Hearing aids mean you’re old
Do I look old to you!?
There’s a stigma to hearing aids. Not so much as for eyeglasses anymore but I suffered the abuse of being bullied as a child, basically for wanting to see! I often didn’t wear my glasses because of that bullying.
Has your perception of me changed? I hope not but it won’t affect my wearing my glasses or my hearing aid. When you care for yourself and get the help you need, you show the world that you desire to be present and connected.
I don’t like how they look
There are many options for hearing aids.
Some are flat and are like a plug in your ear. Probably noticeable but they can match your skin tone. Mine has a thin clear wire. You can’t see the dome in my ear and the bulk of the hearing aid sits behind it. Even with my hair up, it’s basically unnoticeable. And if someone sees it, it’s not a big deal. I openly talk about it and normalize that at 57, I wear a hearing aid.
At a memoir writing workshop I taught, an 88-year-old man struggled with his hearing aids and told me he couldn’t hear what I was saying. Ironically, my hearing aid wasn’t working either and I told him. I asked everyone to speak louder.
A woman came up to me after and said I inspired her to wear her hearing aid. She was embarrassed by it.
A hearing aid is a tool that makes our lives fuller, richer, and more connected.
Shifting loss to hope opens the world to us one hearing aid at a time.
I can hear you now, and I’m so glad!
Do you have a hearing aid story or a loss where you created hope?
Let’s Connect: Always happy to hear from you. Feel free to share stories or how this resonates.
All thoughts are welcome!
Excellent reminder that grief and loss come in many forms! As usual, I am uplifted by your point of view and your ability to look at such an experience with hope and humor.
Thank you for sharing, Janine. Several nuggets of wisdom here, especially advocating to get the help you needed through your self-awareness from the hearing loss. Although we can be tempted to brush off a medical issue that has a social stigma attached to it, we can end up undermining our ability to adapt with a tool which could then improve our self-confidence by feeling like ourselves again.
And for me, when losing an ability, I know that I need to acknowledge and give space to feel the embarrassment or any other emotions attached to the changes, then I have to re-discover that self-confidence is the current that flows through the social connections once again. That is, I have to adapt internally by finding gradual exposures publicly and adjusting through the mistakes and how it feels with others. Exactly how you’ve described the tweaking of your hearing aid that fits you the best while also sharing your experiences with others.
There is no shame with the changes with our body and mind, but we can still feel that way during the grieving because we do lose a piece of ourselves. However, that’s the shaping and shifting within ourselves since we have the ability to adapt. A gentle reminder to give ourselves grace while grieving a loss, and there’s always more ahead with hope on our side even if it may take time. Hope is there for us.