Animals Who Save Us

Walking with Grief

Nice to see you at The Pause Place. Holding space for you in grief, feelings of loss, and your journey toward hope.

There are certain people who enter your life and walk alongside you during periods of grief. Animals do the same, and they also remind you how to love as they catch your tears.

Sometimes they cross your path because they are needed so much.

On the morning of Saturday, March 26, 2009, I woke from a disturbing dream. It was about a tree that I hung from with my hands. It rotted and I fell away, no longer connected to anything.

I had specific plans for that morning but as I drove from my house, a sudden urge came over me to go to the food store first.

As I drove in front of PetSmart, this tall woman pushed a blue shopping cart full of puppies. I only saw gray. My heart leapt. She disappeared into the store. I was tempted to go right in because there was a pet adoption.

However, only after I purchased my food, did I enter PetSmart. In a box was a gray dog with a white patch on her chest. An Akita and Black Lab mix. I picked her up and her blue eyes stared into mine. We both fell in love. She was the root that connected me to the emotions that losing Nick rotted. A week later, Zoey was adopted into our family.

Zoey Shadow—12 weeks old.

Synchronicity and timing, perhaps a push from my spirit son didn't surprise me. Nick had been sending me signs that he knew I was struggling.

Six months without my child.

I still couldn't breathe.

This gentle nudge that changed the course of that day led to 14 years of unconditional love and partnership. There is no doubt that Zoey was my dog. She'd follow me all around the house, spiraling her curly tail in joy and anticipation.

When I journaled, she lay at my feet. On those tough milestone days, she’d place her head on my lap, flop her jowl on my tear-stained pages, and stare at me.  

As she thumped her tail for attention, her doleful eyes said, “Yes, I know you're sad. But look how cute I am! Surely you can give me a smile.”

I’d kiss the top of her head and, yes, I’d smile.

My tear catcher.

Grief Easer.

Love Bug.

She got me.

Then we'd go for a walk. Over the years, we walked hundreds of miles. Zoey pulled me out of the depths of my darkness and showed me that hope, love, and compassion are action words. She gave our family a respite from grief and brought laughter into our home.

Love was her superpower.

She showed that love to everyone.

She was my action dog. She showed me that my broken heart could hold pain and love.

I cared for my baby girl as her body failed her. Her death once again taught me how to let go while also holding gratitude and joy for the time we had together.

It doesn't have to be a dog that saves you. It's whatever holds you tethered to the life that feels so painful. Whatever holds you connected to what matters and cocoons you in comfort protecting you from the harshness of grief.

Yes, loss brings grief. But it’s love that causes it. Without love, grief doesn’t exist.

It's vital to see love in spite of or because of grief. It's comforting to know that you are loved unconditionally, and however you come to your grief space is exactly right.

Zoey didn't judge me. Zoey didn't wonder when I was going to get over my grief. Zoey held space for me for as long as I needed. And I held space for her, reflecting back the love she held for me and my family throughout her life.

In grief, keep your eyes and heart open for those synchronistic connections from animals or people.

They will stay with you as long as you need them.

Two years later, we adopted Dakota Kenny, a lab mix found in a dumpster in Tennessee.

He helped us in a different way. But that's another story.

If you have a story of a loving creature who has supported you, I'd love to hear it.