Acts of Kindness Connect Us To Our Humanity
Kindness is Priceless in its Giving and Receiving
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I learned kindness from my parents.
My dad would be the first to stop and help someone on the side of the road, hold the door open, and even barter with a client who couldn't pay for all the carpentry work that my dad did for a job. He'd sit and listen to a stranger talk to him about religion over a cup of coffee. Maybe my dad didn't agree with the person, but he held space for them to speak. He was probably the first person to show me how to hold space for another, which can be the biggest form of kindness, but also the hardest.
My mom's kindness came in her selfless giving to others. Maybe it was more self-full, because she received so much joy from her giving. When my siblings and I were growing up she'd always bake and cook meals so that whenever friends came over, there would be food.
The door was always open.
Her kindness came through gathering around the table and making sure there was a place for everyone.
These acts of kindness showed their big hearts.
My parents taught me what it meant to see the humanity in another person.
That kind attitude became infused in my daily life. It didn't cost me anything to look a person in the eye and smile.
To see their humanity.
My son, Nick, was like that. When he died, so many of his peers talked to the school counselor. They told stories of how Nick helped them when they dropped their books, or simply smiled at them, or stood up to a bully who didn't show kindness.
To me, kindness is an extension of my heart. If I can bring a smile to someone's face, lighten their load—even for a moment—it causes this ripple effect of joy.
Kindness grows hope in a world that often turns people away.
Kindness doesn't have to cost anything but it's priceless in its giving and receiving.
Yet kindness can be hard to receive.
We're not taught to accept help. Sometimes even responding to a person's kind smile is difficult. We are programmed to distrust and assume the worst.
Of course, we should all be aware and understand how to ascertain if an act is suspicious so that we are safe.
However, when someone holds the door open for you perhaps a smile and thank you will turn their day around as well.
In her book Real Self-Care, Pooja Lakshmin, MD writes about our “capacity to receive.”
She shares a story about a woman who was struggling. She didn't want to complain because others had it a lot worse. Her neighbor was a professional chef and offered to cook her family a steak dinner. Even as her mouth watered, she immediately said no. (page 146-147)
Whether it's distrust or the feeling that we shouldn't accept help, we say no when kindness is simply being offered.
She writes, “Humans thrive on shared connection—" (page 148)
When we accept help and kindness, we are forming bonds that reinforce our connection as human beings.
As much as I always shared kindness to others, searching for ways to lift up and support wherever I was and whomever I was with, it was extremely difficult for me to accept help when my son was receiving treatment for leukemia.
For me, it was more the idea that I should be able to do it all, and I didn't want to inconvenience people or take advantage of their generosity.
What I didn't know then was that people needed to do something. They cared for me and my family and desired to support us. It was their need to bond and connect as human beings during this horrible time in our lives.
The most heartfelt acts of kindness that I have ever received were when Nick was in the hospital. Probably after when we grieved as well, but for the sake of this article I'm focusing on when he was ill.
During his longer stay at the hospital, a younger male resident came to visit and sit with Nick. It gave me a chance to get something in my stomach. They had the opportunity to talk about video games and whatever boys and men talk about. His act of kindness spending time with a 12-year-old boy when he probably had rounds and a ton of work left an impression on Nick.
This resident helped my son feel like a regular boy again. It gave me time to get recharged for another day. I hope this act shaped how this resident continued his patient care by seeing the positive impact he had.
Other acts of kindness varied but each one filled my bucket and infused me with love and positive energy.
My sister bringing a pumpkin that lit up when Nick was stuck in the hospital during his favorite time of year.
Nick's friend staying with him and hanging with his pal while I walked with his mom to get fresh air and food.
My girlfriends gathering in a circle with me. We prayed together before they cleaned my house top to bottom in preparation for Nick coming home. Again, holding space for me while I broke down, to be clear and fueled for this next phase of his treatment.
Parking passes given to family as they visited us every day.
Holding my hand when receiving bad news.
I feel these acts of kindness even today as they are stored in my cells. It's so simple yet can be so difficult.
No matter what the act of kindness is, it is about holding space for someone in whatever capacity they find themselves in at that moment. It is about seeing the humanity in another human being and showing them dignity and care without even knowing their story. Because no matter where a person is in their life, no matter what a person is experiencing, no matter how a person got in this situation, THEY DESERVE KINDNESS.
Giving kindness opens my heart and connects me to my fellow humans.
Receiving kindness heals me and gives me hope that we are seen as the same.
Fellow souls living this wild life as humans.
As you go through your day:
Notice where acts of kindness could have an impact.
What do you notice when showing kindness?
How does that person react?
How do you feel?
When did an act of kindness transform your day, change or save your life?
When did an act of kindness bring you to tears and show how you would like to be in the world?
What acts of kindness come easily or naturally for you to show?
What are some acts of kindness that you would like to do more?
Write about a time when your act of kindness supported someone.
Who taught you kindness?
How?
In what way?
Track your acts of kindness this month and notice how they change what you do, see, hear, think, react, and what you appreciate.
May You Be Kind and Receive Kindness with Grace and an Open Heart.
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